First Time Mom Advice from Moms who have been there!

Being a first time mom is exciting and waiting for the arrival of your little bundle of joy is one of the best parts. Then the day comes and suddenly you’re a mom. You are “in charge” of this little life. It’s overwhelming; there isn’t a question about that. There are a few things us older moms have learned along the way that we’d like to share with you.

I've taken a poll and asked friends and fellow moms to share their advice for this blog post!

Before Baby

1. As one mom put it best: “You do NOT and will not use 90% of the items you register for and receive at your shower.”
2. If your home is small without a lot of storage space consider borrowing some of the bigger baby items from friends like the bouncer, bassinet, jumpers, etc. Sure it’s fun to register for those items but if you don’t have space then you don’t have space.
3. Don’t read all of the parenting books out there and be careful of some of the pregnancy books – they might scare you!
4. If you are the kind of person who gets stressed out by having a regimented plan, don’t make a birth plan. They aren’t for everyone. And conversely, if you have a birth plan remember that anything can happen. Don’t get your heart set on something you cannot control.
5. If you want to have a natural birth use available resources to help guide you.
6. You do not have to listen to every woman’s horror birth story if you don’t want to.
7. You are your baby’s mother and you are that child’s advocate. Trust your instinct.

After the baby’s born…

1. Even if you have a vaginal delivery or a C-section, you will be sore afterwards. Follow doctor’s orders and take it easy.
2. If you deliver in the hospital, get up and try to walk around; it’ll help with your recovery.
3. Post partum bleeding is normal and happens for weeks. Have pads, pads and more pads around because if you use a tampon or a menstrual cup you won’t be able to after delivery.
4. Your milk will come in a few days after your baby’s birth day. On this day you will be emotional; okay, emotional may not really describe it. Your hormones are indeed raging; it’s like getting your period times ten. It’ll pass.
5. Have lots of nice breast pads on hand and a good working breast pump.
6. Freeze your breastmilk! Chances are your baby will take about two ounces of milk per feeding. Pump the rest and freeze it for later. Trust us on this one.
7. Breastfeeding is not as easy as it looks so don’t be surprised if your baby doesn’t “get it” right away. Keep at it and surround yourself with a lot of supportive women who have been there too.
8. Skin to skin; it’s a great way to bond with your baby for both you and Daddy.

Life’s Changing

1. Yes, your newbie baby is tiny and getting out of the house is a little more challenging than it was before BUT newborns are incredibly portable. Bring that baby everywhere and get out of the house when you feel up to it! Catch a movie with daddy and wear the baby, go out for dinner with baby, walk the mall and shop. After eight to ten weeks your baby will need a little more of a routine and quieter area to sleep in.
2. Accept help; you don’t have to be Super Mom. None of us are.
3. Sleep when the baby sleeps – really we mean it.
4. Let Dad help you however he wants. If he wants to rock the baby when he gets home, feed the baby a bottle at night, or bathe baby; let him. It’s good bonding time for him and baby.
5. Take a shower every day; you’ll feel better after a sleepless night.
6. Fussiness peaks at six weeks (or six weeks from the due date if your baby was early or overdue).
7. Due to number 6 above, you should do whatever you can to make the baby sleep – rock, sway, bounce, and wear. You cannot spoil a newborn.
8. Don’t underestimate swaddling and white noise.
9. Also if baby is really overtired, over-stimulated, or fussy and nothing is soothing, try (and this is going to sound weird) turning on a hair dryer, vacuum cleaner, or dust buster. The noise reminds them of the womb.
10. One older, experienced mom put it best: “Sleep when you can, play when you can, have sex when you can and screw dusting.” Love it!
11. Enjoy the snuggly moments, the late night feedings and the frequent naps. You won’t regret those one bit once baby’s older and on the move.
12. While it’s good to be aware of post partum depression (PPD) remember that after the baby is born you will experience what’s called the “baby blues.” This is normally and usually lasts up to three weeks after delivery. That is not PPD.
13. Be willing to accept help from family, friends, and neighbors. If you need to take a walk around the block to just breathe, ask a friend to come over and stay with the baby.
14. The house will be messy…but they’re only babies once.
15. After three months from baby’s birth date your hair will fall out. It’s normal, creepy, but totally normal.
16. Adopt this mantra: It’s a phase and it’ll pass. (This pertains to pretty much ever struggle you’ll encounter from sleeping problems, napping problems, separation anxiety, feeding problems, etc.)
17. Choose to laugh. If you don’t you most certainly will cry.

Top Three Pieces of Advice from Moms who have “been there and done that?”

1. Enjoy how dependent your little baby is on you and love on that little one as long as you can.
2. Don’t try to do everything on your own; accept for help and ask for it too. That’s being “mom enough.”
3. Trust your instinct; nine times out of ten you’ll be right.

Elizabeth (aka Bert) is a stay-at-home-mom and contributing writer for She Thinks Media. She lives in the Twin Cities with her husband, Ben, her son Buggie, and daughter Lady Bug.  When she's not trying to convince Buggie to expand his interests beyond Thomas the Train or put his pants back on she's writing about her experiences as a mom on her blog, First Time Mom (FTM). After all, Bert maintains there's a first time for everything, even if you  have more than one child! 

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Ever had to use your SuperMom super powers?

SuperMom to the rescue!!!! Have you ever thought that since you became a mom you’ve acquired super powers? I do and I have a story to tell you to prove it.

It was a nice quiet afternoon. My son, Buggie, was doing his daily quiet time in his room and I was playing with my 6 month old daughter, Lady Bug on our couch. She was giggling at me as I played peek-a-boo. I thought this would be a perfect time to grab my video camera since I so rarely have a quiet moment with just her. She was propped up in the corner of our couch, resting between the back of the couch and the arm rest. I should have known better but I quickly turned around and out of the corner of my eye I saw her tipping forward. It all seemed to happen in slow motion and if this has ever happened to you, you know what I’m describing.

Without hesitation I leaped towards her, desperately trying to catch her. Using the couch as a buffer I gently scooped her up into my arms. She was obviously startled but I knew her cry and it wasn’t from pain. I nailed my side on the corner of our coffee table but it’s almost like I didn’t feel that initial twinge of pain.

My hubby will be the first person to tell you that I’m incredibly uncoordinated and clumsy. I was a swimmer growing up and I’ve always said that I’m better in water not on land. When it comes to my kids’ safety that clumsiness disappears and I have reflexes as fast as a cat. I think I shall call myself MamaCat during these moments.

What about you? What’s your mama super power?

Elizabeth (aka Bert) Anderson married her college sweetheart in 2005, and started her journey into motherhood in 2008 with the birth of her son. She started blogging in 2009 as a way to keep track of her thoughts on being a first time mom, especially her struggle with postpartum depression, and as a way of reaching out to other moms who are struggling with the same things. This June, Bert had another first in her motherhood travels - a little girl! Even though she's newly a mother of two, Bert maintains that no matter how many children you have you will always be a "first time mom" because there's a first time for everything! Visit her blog, at FTM. Bert is a contributor for She Thinks Media.

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Learning to love your post-pregnancy body

Loving your children is the easy part, learning to love the body they gave you...is another story.

I can admit it now, both to myself and others, I have "twin skin."  Throughout my twin pregnancy I discovered these unfamiliar little squiggly lines on my belly, I was curious but confident that those were not stretchmarks.  After all, I carried my daughter and didn't get one stretchmark, they're just not in my genetics I silently told myself.

My denial continued postpartum as well.  My deflated, saggy and stretched out tummy hung over the waist of my jeans.  I told myself, it's normal, it's only been a few weeks, it's definitely going to shrink back down.  Luckily motherhood kept me busy and kept my mind off of things.

Not long after my sons births I discovered a moms of multiples message board online and to my horror found out that there was a name for this saggy stretched out thing that I had yet to admit to anyone existed on my body.  It was referred to as "twin skin" by mothers of multiples.  This "twin skin" does not go away.  Yes, deep down I think I already knew that but I had been in denial.

Why or how it happened, I can't be sure, but somehow I decided my "twin skin" was something to be ashamed of.  It was ugly and embarrassing, and I concluded that I would not show it to anyone.  I lived three years keeping my secret from friends and family.  With the help and encouragement of my husband, after the third year I decided that I would, for the first time, attempt wearing a two-piece bathing suit again and show my motherly shape to all the world with confidence.

I can admit now, at first that confidence was fake, I was pretending and at times it was really hard to.  However, after pretending for a while and realizing that people weren't staring or pointing, no one was running away disgusted, it dawned on me that I looked normal.  Looking normal is nothing to be ashamed of and showing the shape, stretchmarks and scars that come along with motherhood, is something to be proud of.

Have you ever visited the website "The Shape of a Mother"?  It's an awesome, uplifting, inspiring and very liberating website for mothers.  It's purpose is to help encourage mothers to love and appreciate their bodies, both with and without clothes on.  There is nudity, so be forewarned, but it's beautiful.

Know that you are not alone.  The Shape of a Mother encourages you to join, and either anonymously or publicly share your story, your photos, and appreciate others who's bodies are just as beautiful and as normal as your own.

Please share this with anyone you know who is a mother.  Let's help each other learn to love our bodies.  Has The Shape of a Mother or simply seeing the shapes of other mother's worn with confidence helped you learn to love yourself more?


Sincerely, Julie aka the Cloth Diaper Geek

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